“30 For 30″ Father’s Day Campaign 2015: Interview 28 – Joaquim Motaner, 40, Spain

Welcome to The Pixel Project’s “30 For 30″ Father’s Day Campaign 2015! In honour of Father’s Day, we created this campaign:

  • To acknowledge the vital role Dads play in families, cultures and communities worldwide.
  • To showcase good men from different walks of life who are fabulous positive non-violent male role models.

Through this campaign, we will be publishing a short interview with a different Dad on each day of the month of June.

This campaign is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2015 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our twenty-eighth “30 For 30″ 2015 Dad is Joaquim Motaner from Spain.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

The Dad Bio

I’m from Cadiz, Andalusia, Spain. I am 40 years old and have three girls and three boys. Four of my children are from a previous marriage. I was trained in matters relating to education and communication and I am currently working to develop employment policies for the Andalusian government. I am also empowering parents and others to express caring to friends, family, in groups of men, including sports groups and parenting groups. Today I am 40 years old and have been a father for ten years. You can read many of the things I have written at http://joaquimmontaner.net and http://quimosavic.wordpress.com.

1. What is the best thing about being a dad?

When I married my wife, I became an instant father to four children. This taught me to prioritise. I have learned many things. Everything is linked to love and care: I learned to love, I learned to clean and cook, I learned to wash, I learned to heal wounds, I learned to organise spaces, I learned to drive with trailers and caravans, I learned to listen more and talk less, I learned to participate in six or seven conversations simultaneously, I learned to keep a home, and I learned that hugs are essential to calm the kids.

And I’m learning every day from them, and with them. I have realised that most of my life has been based on false assumptions and fallacies. I am transforming from a man into a real man.

Caring for others brings out the best in us. I have to stop putting my desires and my instincts first. I have to be extremely patient, to live with illness, to interact with many people with whom I share little or nothing, except being a parent or living in the same space.

2. A dad is usually the first male role model in a person’s life and fathers do have a significant impact on their sons’ attitude towards women and girls. How has your father influenced the way you see and treat women and girls?

Being a father changed me into someone more like my father. He is a respectful, loving, and wise man, and I value his ways more with each passing day. He taught me to allow people to make mistakes as they improve. He showed me the importance of being respectful of other people, be they men or women.

In my father’s generation, men had to be breadwinners. He did it very well, but all the time he wasn’t working was spent with my brothers and me. He provided support and assistance so we could live freely and independently. Today he continues to apply these principles as he takes care of his grandchildren.

I want my male children to be like my father. If they have children, I want them to be active parents. Just as I have done, I want them to offer themselves twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, so their children can see who their parents are and know they are there. My children are internalising good parenting by seeing it in me and my father.

3. Communities and activists worldwide are starting to recognise that violence against women is not a “women’s issue” but a human rights issue and that men play a role in stopping the violence. How do you think fathers and other male role models can help get young men and boys to take an interest in and step up to help prevent and stop violence against women?

I want my boys to realise that girls are their equals. I encourage them to observe and analyse other realities. When they are older, they will care about their homes and who lives there. They will share tasks, including childcare responsibilities. It is often a battle to get them to do the household chores that the girls do.

We face a gender gap that needs to be corrected right now. Men have to care in ways other than breadwinning. Their roles are changing, but the presence of real men who are not afraid to love and to care for others will influence men who want to change.

The behaviour of parents is the strongest direct influence on the behaviour that children will exhibit as adults. Living and cohabitating with pro-feminist parents and other male role models who support equality between men and women will influence children’s adult lives. In later years these children may support the fight against gender violence and work for equality between men and women.

Engaging as many male children as possible will generate changes in relations between men and women exponentially. Relationships will then be based on respect and proper treatment of each other.