Posts tagged Activism

The Pixel Project is proud to present our second annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2015. The project runs throughout the month of May 2015 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2015 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our seventeenth 2015 Survivor Stories interview is with Linsday Fischer from USA.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Lindsay Fischer is a former high school English teacher, turned domestic violence author, advocate and public speaker. Over the last four years, she’s written a blog and guest posted across the internet as Sarafina Bianco, even self-publishing her memoir, The House on Sunset, under this name. In April, Lindsay identified herself as the author and furthered her reach by doing trainings with organisations impacted by DV and sharing her story with anyone who will listen. She hopes to humanise abuse, debunking societal myths and detailing trauma. You can find her words and mission at http://survivorswillbeheard.com. 

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I survived an eighteen-month violent relationship with a sociopath (outwardly successful, handsome and intelligent, but inwardly dangerous), including physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual and financial abuse.

During my relationship, I lost my job. After leaving, I lost my house and car. At twenty seven years old, I was unemployed and homeless, only three years after starting a successful career as a high school English teacher.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

Before leaving, I feared escaping because I thought he’d kill me if I tried. A few days before I left, he held a gun to my head, telling me, that he loved me so much he could kill me. Then, the day I left, he threw me down a flight of stairs and kicked and choked me on the basement floor. I knew in that moment, that he was going to kill me whether I stayed or left, so I made the choice to leave.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

For the first year afterward, coping was difficult. I was self-harming and self-medicating to deal with my PTSD. My experience taught me that the aftermath is just as difficult to cope with as the abuse, but I couldn’t afford therapy due to the financial abuse. Searching for a way to heal, I began blogging under my pseudonym.

When other survivors reached out to me, sharing their stories and thanking me for mine, I realised that writing was helping. Along with that, someone wrote me about non-profits who offer free trauma therapy. One Google search later, I found a local group that offered free trauma therapy and called them immediately. The wait list was long, but six months later I started their programme, graduating three years after I began. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitszation and Reprocessing), individual and group therapy were all included.

Sometime during that period, I wrote my book and started a Twitter chat called #domesticviolencechat to reach other survivors. I began teaching again and moved to distance myself from my abuser. The process was long and hard, but absolutely critical to rebuilding.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

It’s normal to feel alone and normal to question your thoughts, beliefs and actions. Being traumatised shuts down the logical part of your brain, and getting that to work again can be difficult. Look for ways to heal yourself, especially if you can find a non-profit who offers any type of support. You can find these by reaching out to big organisations like NCADV. Even in the painful moments of life after trauma, it’s still more rewarding and worth it than staying in a dangerous environment.

Talk to other people who’ve survived what you have, practice self-care every day, and remember that you’re not alone, you can heal and there are people who want to help.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

By continuing to have the hard conversations about the existence of VAW and educating society about its prevalence. Our culture doesn’t realsze how engrained VAW is in mainstream life (including media) and we need to be adamant about pointing this out as we continue progressing towards a safer world.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

Because the Pixel Project supports women like me, who’ve survived violence. They also educate society. One look at their mission statement better explains how their purpose aligns with mine. It’s time we stand up, all of us (men and women) against this violence. The Pixel Project helps.

The Pixel Project is proud to present our second annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2015. The project runs throughout the month of May 2015 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2015 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our sixteenth 2015 Survivor Stories interview is with Kathlene Russell from the U.S.A.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

I am the mother of three beautiful children and grandmother to two handsome boys.  I have a Master’s Degree in guidance and psychological services.  After surviving domestic violence, I began to work in the field of domestic violence awareness and prevention and retired in 2011 as the Executive Director of The Women’s Center, Inc., a domestic and sexual violence centre in Pennsylvania, USA. I now am a small business owner and live a violence-free life near my daughters.

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I experienced domestic violence at the hands of a lethal batterer.  Over the course of four years I sustained numerous injuries, including a broken back.  Upon leaving I was examined at the hospital and the medical record said that my body was “a mass of bruising of various ages.”

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

We – my three children ages 12, 8 and 1 and I – went to the Lancaster Shelter for Abused Women in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. They gave us a safe place to begin our recovery and helped me negotiate the often hostile, always confusing, legal system. I credit them with helping to save my life and the lives of my children.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

We, my children and I, rebuilt our lives together as a team. While the violence was directed solely at me, my children were obviously affected as witnesses to the violence. We experienced the violence together and worked to heal and rebuild our lives together. Together we became survivors.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

You are never to blame for the violent acts of another – simply, never. You should never tolerate the abuse or violence of another – simply, never.

I thought all of the things that you are thinking. I thought it was, at least sometimes, my fault.  I was wrong. There is nothing I could have done that would ever justify violence against me. I thought it would get better if I only learned not to do the things that I knew would irritate him. I was wrong. There is nothing I could have done that would make it stop. Every time he beat me I learned to not do the thing that he said made him beat me. But there was always another time, always another thing, that he said would make him beat me.

I thought I was trapped; I thought I could not leave. I was wrong. Yes, I had three children and had no job, no family support. Yes, I was alone. Yes, it was hard. But I did it. Slowly, I put the pieces of my life back together. And my children grew up. And I have never been hit again. I did it, and so can you.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

There is a great deal that has to happen if we are ever to end violence against women. We have to elect more women to public office. We have to pass the Equal Pay Act. We have to change the cultural bias against women. We have to change our educational system so that girls are not disadvantaged. We have to involve non-offending men in a supportive role to our efforts. But most importantly, we survivors need to keep telling our stories. We cannot allow our voices to be silenced. People need to hear that we are here, that we have suffered and that we have overcome.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I support The Pixel Project because of how vital I think victim and survivor stories are to the movement to end violence against women.  Projects that put survivors and victims front-and-centre are doing the best work possible.

The Pixel Project is proud to present our second annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2015. The project runs throughout the month of May 2015 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2015 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our thirteenth 2015 Survivor Stories interview is with Joy Lyn from the U.S.A.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

In her day job, Joy K. Dennis is an educator. She teaches college level writing and middle school language arts. She does freelance proofreading, editing, public-speaking and consulting. She enjoys her work because it permits her to serve others with her gifts. She is a devoted reader of memoir and self-help books. She is an advocate of domestic violence awareness through public-speaking and writing. Her blog One Day at a Time  is designed to encourage survivors and victims and to inform them as well as others about domestic violence. Joy has always loved words, language and expression. Constant reading and regular writing have been a great help in healing her from the scars of a troubled past. She will be releasing a memoir titled Tears of Joy with the pen name Joy Lyn in honor of her late parents Carolyn and Ronald Lynn Dennis.

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I experienced domestic violence in my first serious relationship. He choked me, dragged me across the floor of our apartment by my hair, slammed me against a wall repeatedly while I was in the first trimester of a pregnancy, berated me with words and cheated on me, amongst other things. He also dictated what I should wear and how; which of my friends were okay to hang out with and which ones were not; and even when I could see my family.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

After one particular incident when he abused me I was so frightened I went to the police and told them I felt unsafe with him and finally decided I wanted a restraining order.

They took a statement then arranged for me to speak with a case worker.   She was very kind and non-judgmental. She listened carefully to everything I said and told me I was being abused. She told me I needed to leave because it was a vicious cycle that would not stop. Until that moment I had no idea what I was experiencing was abuse. Knowledge was my first step in leaving.

After that, I told my family and they helped me remove myself from him. It was not easy or possible without the loving and kind support of others. I did not tell him I was going. He always used whatever he knew in advance against me. I just made arrangements to leave and one weekend I moved out unannounced.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

When I was finally free of his physical presence I was wounded. I was unable to cry for a whole year about all the terrible stuff I had been through. During and after the year I left him, I could not really function. The second year after leaving him I started going to therapists which helped.

Later I joined a domestic violence group through the local battered woman’s shelter programme. It was so healing to meet other survivors and sufferers and to exchange our stories and encouragement with each other. That started me on a path to self-help that I have remained on. I also read inspiring material as much as I can. The book “Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman” by Beverley Engel, changed my life in a positive way.

When I could find the words, prayer helped me alot. Most of all, my connection to the Divine Source kept me alive.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

I would suggest that she do everything possible to preserve herself. There are so many resources. I know from experience when you are living in that personal hell you feel so alone, but you are not.

Do not be ashamed to get help. There are shelters, programmes and even housing to support and protect you. Once you and your kids are safe, then work on restoring yourself, building yourself up. In surviving an abusive situation, you are fortunate, but few of us are whole. I was broken when I escaped. I was just a shell of my former self, and maybe that’s what you feel like too. But guess what? You can be filled up again. No longer with heartache, low self-esteem and mistreatment but with respect, care and love.

Maya Angelou once said, “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” Don’t just survive, thrive.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

I think we can end violence against women by ending violence against children. All abusers were children once. Children who experienced or saw or felt something that triggered abusive behavior in them. Children are innocent and they shape the future. Every victim and survivor were children once. They experienced or saw or felt something that made them vulnerable to domestic violence. We have to nurture and guide and provide for all children, for they hold the key to the future.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I support The Pixel Project because it seeks to help others in a cause that is near and dear to my heart. My mother and maternal aunts were abused by men, and so was my grandmother and my great-grandmother. Not only is domestic violence a cycle in relationships, it is a cycle in time. Generations of women in my family have known nothing else. I want to break the cycle in my family and help other women do the same.

Another reason I support The Pixel Project is because there is an element of shame in domestic violence. So many victims don’t speak up. So many survivors do not come forward. Having a voice is empowering. When you are abused you are often robbed of the power of your voice. The Pixel Project gives us a voice.

The Pixel Project is proud to present our second annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2015. The project runs throughout the month of May 2015 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2015 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our seventh 2015 Survivor Stories interview is with Twahna P. Harris from the U.S.A.

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The Survivor Bio:

Twahna P Harris is the Executive Director of The Butterfly Society, a nonprofit domestic violence organization. The organization was given life through her own personal journey as a victim and survivor. She is a public speaker, mentor, advocate, wife, mother and a woman of God.  She is recognised on a local and state level for the work she does with victims and survivors. She empowers victims and survivors to TAKE BACK their lives because there is LIFE after domestic violence. She is living proof. She stands strong. “Like a butterfly, I have been reborn with bold colors and strong wings”  — Johnathan Lockwood Haie. Her hobbies are meditation time, volunteering in the community, exercising, and writing.

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

My personal experience is with domestic violence, and it has been a journey.

I was a student when I met this guy — handsome, said all the right things, had a great job and drove a really nice car — who swept me off of my feet. We went on a couple of dates and decided to become a couple. When we moved in together everything changed. He was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I was physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually abused. I quit going to class because I was embarrassed and I didn’t want to have to answer the hard questions. My grades suffered tremendously. I flunked out of school.  My mind wasn’t there anymore.

I left several times but I went back because I felt guilty for leaving him. He threatened to kill me if I ever left again. I saw myself in a dream dying at his hands. I was in a very dark place in my life (depressed). One day, I picked up the phone  made a call to the local Battered Women Shelter. The lady that answered the call was very kind, caring, and welcoming. I told her that he threatened to kill me but I wasn’t ready to leave. Her words to me were: “If he tells you he is going to kill you then he will do just that”. She told me I needed to get a safety  plan in place for when I decided to leave.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

The safety plan came into play the next day after I had a conversation with God the night before. I asked Him to remove me from the situation. I made a commitment to Him to never allow another man to treat that way again, to never move in with another man unless he was my husband, and I would use my voice to help education others about domestic violence.

The next day I got dress for work like a normal day. Gave him a kiss goodbye, told him to have a great day. When I left, I hid behind an abandoned building and watched him leave. Then I went back to the apartment and took everything I could possibly take. What I couldn’t take I left behind. I NEVER went back. That chapter of my life had been written. It was time to start on a new chapter.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

I remembered I had dreams and goals that I had to accomplish for myself. Nothing was going to stop me.

I met a great man who believed in me, supported me and loved me unconditionally. I enrolled in a Community College (BRCC) to get reengaged with school again. I had a great support system (my professors) who believed in me and wanted me to achieve success. I graduated from Baton Rouge Community College in May 2003 and enrolled at Southern University where it all began. I had an awesome support system there as well. The professors encouraged me every step of the way and I graduated from Southern University Summer 2008.

I did a lot of writing in a daily journal that helped me to heal as well. I gained strength daily through Bible verses, poems, quotes, newspapers etc. I found myself sharing my story many times in small settings.

I had also shared my story with my sorority sisters. They were in total disbelief. I made it perfectly clear to them that domestic violence didn’t have a certain face. My sorority hosted a Domestic Violence Forum and I was asked to be a guest speaker. I hesitated because I had never shared my story to a public audience before. I told them I had to pray about it. A small voice within (God) reminded me of the commitment I had made to Him. That night I shared my story to an audience of a 100 young ladies. I was so, so nervous. At the end of the programme, I was standing in the back of the room when 5 young ladies came up to me to thank me for sharing my story. They were in domestic violence situations themselves or they knew someone who was. They were eager to share the information they had received. I knew then that my story was no longer mine but for someone else to help save a life and I have been doing the work of an advocate ever since.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

The very first thing I would share with the victim is that you are not to blame and you are not the problem. God created you with life, value, and purpose. You don’t have to go through this alone. Let someone know what you are going through a friend, family member, co-worker, or a domestic violence shelter. There is a voice in all of us. Find yours. It’s there. You will be told to leave many times but it’s when you have a safety plan in place that you do get ready to leave. I call it “WHEN THE LIGHT COMES ON.” “THERE IS LIFE AFTER DOMESTC VIOLENCE.” I’m living proof….

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

We can end domestic violence through education, outreach, advocacy, support group and partnerships etc. We also have to make domestic violence a part of our conversation just like any other issue that’s a crisis. That way people are always reminder that domestic violence is real. Everyone has to be included in the movement law enforcement, churches, the school system, judges, health care services, communities, business leaders, advocates, survivors etc.

NO MORE SILENCE! WE WILL END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

The Pixel Project is a great nonprofit proving opportunities for victims or survivors to share their stories as a way of healing, a way to empower, a way to inspire, and a new way to live life. We need more projects of this magnitude in place. This is a way that victims and survivors can build a community of support for one another. It is a great resource as well. I thank you for the opportunity for allowing me to share my story with you. I hope and pray that it will be empowering for others.