Archive for May, 2014

The Pixel Project is proud to present the Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2014. The project runs throughout the month of May 2014 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2014 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our thirtieth Survivor Stories interview is with Monica Day from the U.S.A.

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The Survivor Bio: 

Monica Day survived and overcame the trauma of a 16 year emotionally, financially, sexually and physically abusive marriage.  It is Monica’s heart’s desire to save other women and young ladies from suffering in silence as she did.  Monica has dedicated her life to speaking out against teen dating violence and domestic abuse and teaching women and girls the signs of an abusive relationship. 

Monica Day is the author of “Praying Through Your Storms” and the founder of Daylight Awareness & Prevention Agency, Inc. She has done presentations for youth groups, Girl Scout troops and College organisations.  Monica has spoke out against domestic abuse on CNN’s News Now and In Session Court TV.

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence (this may include domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation etc)?

I survived and overcame 16 years of emotional, financial, sexual and physical abuse. I know what it is like to be publicly humiliated and embarrassed.  I also know how hard it is to admit to yourself that you have been abused.  I have travelled the journey of healing and put my life back together.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

While my ex-husband was in the shower one night, my daughters and I quickly loaded up the car and ran. We hid the car and spent the night with a relative and then early the next morning got on the road.  I was fortunate enough to have a family home to go to.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

In order to heal I first had to admit to myself that I was abused.  I received counselling and began to share my story.  Telling my story was very therapeutic for me.  2 years later I filed for divorce and began to submerge myself in helping other women. I did a lot of writing in my journal along the way.  The more I speak out and help others the more I heal.  I am no longer ashamed or embarrassed.

To put my life back together I created a list of things I needed to do and things I wanted to do.  It was a slow process but I completed all of the items I needed to do and I still have a few items that I want to do.    These list helped me get back to being the Monica I wanted and needed to be for me.

I have started an organisation called Daylight, Inc to speak out against domestic violence.  I do workshops and presentations on domestic violence.  I help other victims and survivors with safety planning and finding emergency resources.  I counsel other women and help them put their lives back together after leaving an abusive marriage.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

It is not your fault.  Love is not abuse.  You are not alone and there are others who have been where you are.  Take your voice, your power and your life back. I recommend counselling and journaling. I also think the more you share your story the more you see you are not alone and you help others as you heal.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

If we could help everyone understands violence is not a relationship issue.  This is a community issue.  Violence against women affects everyone whether at work, church, school and in public places.  Once people begin to understand that this is our problem and not her problem as well as the affects of violence against women I believe we’ll be able to bring an end to violence against women.

It is my desire to work in the faith based communities to educate Church leaders and others on the types of violence and abuse against women, the affects of violence and to show them how they can help victims within their congregations and what resources they could make available or what organizations they can partner with to bring an end to violence against women.

I believe the more we get men involved in ending violence against women the sooner we’ll see the end of violence against women.  If we all work together, speak up and speak out we can and will bring an end to violence against women.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I support The Pixel project because it is very important and instrumental in bringing awareness to the violence against girls and women.  The Pixel Project, because it is a virtual organisation will reach more people than many other organisations.  More people are able to join in and connect with the vision and mission of the Pixel Project because it is a virtually global organisation.  The more people connected allows for more people to share and bring awareness to the violence against girls and women.

The Pixel Project is definitely a leader, if not the leader in bringing awareness to the violence against girls and women.  Covering all of the social media sites, new technologies and popular culture and arts is a sure way of reaching every planet and every person on each planet.

I truly believe in the vision and mission of the Pixel Project.

The Pixel Project is proud to present the Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2014. The project runs throughout the month of May 2014 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2014 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our twenty-sixth Survivor Stories interview is with Denise Escher from the U.S.A.

TRIGGER WARNING: The description in the first two segments of this interview may be triggering for some survivors of domestic violence.

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The Survivor Bio:

Denise Escher is a 42-year-old female domestic violence survivor, mother to two sons and three fur baby kitties, wife, paralegal, runner, and local domestic abuse project volunteer. She loves music, Facebook, working hard, running, shopping, hanging with her family, and spending time with her friends.

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

On 14 February 2009, I was brutally attacked by my then-husband. He stabbed me a total of eleven times with five different butcher and steak knives. This was done in my mother’s home, where we were temporarily living. After repeated stabs, the knife broke and he dragged me across the kitchen floor to grab another weapon. He attempted to stab my face and neck, but due to my frantic defence with my arms, was only successful in stabbing my back and chest. Our sons, then ages six and three, watched in horror. I called for my six-year-old son to call 911 but he began to cry and scream uncontrollably when he saw his father stabbing me.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

When my husband let go of me to comfort our son, I dashed for the door and ran barefoot into the street. I headed to house of an elderly lady that my mother provided for as a weekend job, but ended up at their neighbour’s house instead. The neighbour recognised me, called 911, and went next door to get my mother. By the time my mother came outside, the police were there. I have been free from abuse since that day.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

I started rebuilding my life by finishing what I had started before the attack – getting my Master’s in Education in Secondary Education. Four weeks after the stabbing, I passed my state Praxis teacher’s exams. I finished student teaching and graduated with a 4.0 GPA. I attended weekly counseling sessions, did a lot of reading, and took up running. In 2013, I completed my first half-marathon. I met the true love of my life and got married in August 2012. We recently purchased our first home together in September. I also became a local advocate as a trained volunteer with my local Domestic Abuse Project. I have a tattoo on my inner left forearm that reads “Survivor” in Chinese, to remind me that I am here, I survived, and that others can, too.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

I would suggest becoming educated about abuse, learn what it looks like, learn what healthy relationships are supposed to look like, and how to get out safely. Safety Planning is essential to staying safe while escaping an abuser. Also, KNOW YOUR WORTH. Know that any type of abuse or assault is wrong and no matter how you might have allowed someone to treat you yesterday, it doesn’t define you forever, and it doesn’t mean you have to allow them to treat you the same way today. Don’t be afraid to confide in someone about what is happening. Seek help; there are many of us out here that will help you.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

Violence against women needs to be treated by the courts as a serious matter. Protection From Abuse orders are not enough. Real consequences for abuse are necessary: GPS monitors ensure that the perpetrators stay away from their victims and violations are immediately tracked and put in jail. We need to educate our young people about violence. Often it’s cyclical and runs in families, communities, and cultures. Children grow up to do what they see, so if a child grows up in a home and wider community where violence against women is prevalent, he/she thinks that’s what love “looks like.” We have to educate our youth and our offenders, show them what relationships look like and what they don’t look like.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I support The Pixel Project because it takes a village to raise a child, especially when this child is violence against women. It can’t happen with one person alone. People of all colours, races, genders, creeds, and sexual orientations need to stand together and ensure that violence against women is not be tolerated. This is the mission of The Pixel Project, and it is one of my life’s passions.

The Pixel Project is proud to present the Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2014. The project runs throughout the month of May 2014 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2014 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our twenty-third Survivor Stories interview is with Lynn Fairweather from the U.S.A.
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The Survivor Bio:

Lynn Fairweather, MSW is an abuse survivor who has worked in the domestic violence response and prevention field for more than twenty years. As President of Presage Consulting and Training, she provides expert guidance and specialised education to professionals who confront domestic violence in both the public and private sector. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Science, a Master’s Degree in Social Work, and multiple domestic violence training certifications. Ms. Fairweather has served in shelters and police departments, on multidisciplinary task forces, and has facilitated victim support groups and batterer’s intervention programmes. She is an active member in the Association of Threat Assessment Professionals, and sits on the Board of Directors for Oregon’s Violence Against Women Political Action Committee. In 2012, Ms. Fairweather released her first book Stop Signs: Recognizing, Avoiding, and Escaping Abusive Relationships (Seal Press).

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I am a survivor of domestic violence. I lived with my abuser for several years, during which I endured physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, and economic abuse.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

I was able to end the relationship, borrow money from my parents, and use it to move into my own apartment. This was the beginning of several months’ worth of stalking and harassment, including a violent attack. Eventually, I left the state when it became clear that he would not stop.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

I began and continue going to therapy, but my true, ongoing catharsis comes from my work. I have spent the last 20 years as a domestic violence advocate, counselor, speaker, and consultant. I serve in shelters, transitional housing programs, police stations, and courtrooms where I have helped thousands of victims find safety and freedom. I survived domestic violence, but it wasn’t enough for me to just heal myself. I felt like I had to do something to prevent as many women as possible from going through the same situation. In 2008, I opened Presage Consulting and Training, a specialised threat assessment firm that helps police, advocates, attorneys, and private corporations nationwide to evaluate and deal with the domestic violence dangers their communities face. I also put my knowledge and experience into a book, which seeks to educate and empower women to recognise, avoid, and escape abusive relationships. My work isn’t even close to finished, but now I’m a whole and confident human being with a happy marriage and two beautiful kids.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

First, I would urge all women, particularly young ones, to “armour up” by getting educated on what abuse and abusers look like, so they’ll be better equipped to avoid and identify domestic violence. Second, my message to someone who is already in it: please talk to an advocate and make a plan – this isn’t going to get better, so you have to begin preparing your exit. Look for allies, save up some money, and use the criminal justice and social service systems that are set up to help you. Third, a message to people who have already escaped: learn how to assess and manage any future threats your abuser may pose. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life in fear, but you should have a solid foundation of knowledge about how to protect yourself and your children against further abuse.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

We are only going to win this war by getting everyone on board at every level. By this, I mean we begin educating children – boys and girls – at a very young age about healthy interactions and relationships. We should teach our kids skills in resilience, as well as respect for self and others. We must involve men, bystanders, employers, schools, and everyone else who can help to recognise and intervene in dangerous situations. We have to change our laws to give victims just as many rights as we give offenders. We need increased penalties for domestic violence and other types of violence against women, in addition to accountability measures, such as mandatory supervision and batterer’s intervention courses. We should fully fund programmes for domestic violence response and prevention, and support issues such as reproductive rights that frequently intersect with domestic and sexual violence. Lastly, we have to change the shaming and damaging mythology that our culture condones about violence against women and work with the media to promote messages of support toward victims, instead of perpetuating the blame and stigmatisation they frequently face when coming forward.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I support The Pixel Project because domestic abuse and other types of gender-based violence feeds and grows on silence. If people hear survivors’ perspectives, they might recognise something within their own relationships or situations that could indicate future violence. They might realise it’s time to make a move and end the hell they’ve been living in. They can learn more about the subject and use that information to help a friend, neighbour, or co-worker that is being abused. I support The Pixel Project because it is bringing voices out of the dark and the only way we’ll ever really end violence against women is by shining our lights brightly enough to wake up the entire world.