Archive for May, 2015

The Pixel Project is proud to present our second annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2015. The project runs throughout the month of May 2015 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2015 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our thirtieth 2015 Survivor Stories interview is with Jennet Sullivan from the U.S.A.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Jennet Sullivan lost her mother, Suzette Threet, to domestic violence in 2009.  As she learned more about her mother’s struggle and the dynamics that affected her own view of a healthy relationship, she began learning about, and teaching others, in her field about the dynamics of domestic violence.  She hopes to help people understand the reasons people stay, and the insurmountable strength victims must have on a daily basis.  She is married to her amazing husband Justin, and they have two children, Benjamin and Eli.  When not working or teaching, she loves going on adventures with her family.

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I was raised in an abusive home, although at the time I didn’t realise it.  When abuse is all you know, it’s completely normalised.  My dad didn’t beat my mom in front of us, but he verbally attacked her and beat her down emotionally and mentally.  He would isolate her (and us children) from friends and family so effortlessly we didn’t realise we were under attack.

It was only after he murdered her – years after I had grown and left the home – that we realised he had been abusive for years. Many of my siblings still struggle with that influence which normalised abuse. It’s hard to fight against all that you’ve ever known.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

I grew up and moved out.  As an adult, I struggled finding a healthy relationship.  I knew my parents’ relationship wasn’t healthy, but I didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like.

My mother never escaped. She stayed in the abusive relationship until it literally killed her.  I share this story because she is not here to do it. I wish she had been able to leave, but sometimes I think that the things that tie us down are too strong to fight. I think she had been told time and time again that no one else would want her, that she wasn’t worth anyone else’s time. I think she was told that she couldn’t abandon him so many times that eventually she believed it. And that eventually cost her everything.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

After my mom was murdered by my dad, the world stopped. Because he killed himself after he murdered her, we had to completely disassemble the world they had built.  We found diary entries where my Mother detailed the abuse, letters where he begged for another chance.  Broken promises hung in the air of their home.

I healed one day at a time. I met with strong women who could talk me through my grief, I was counselled, I prayed.  I turned to my faith in God, and he met me at my most broken and lost.

I slowly restructured my life with the knowledge that I could never again call my mom to ask for a recipe. I had to grieve the loss of her not only as my mother, but also as the grandmother of my future children.  Experiencing a violent event changes you forever; and while you can heal there will still be moments of grieving.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

My situation is unique as I left the abusive home before I realised that it was abusive, and was third party to my Mother’s murder.  But I would share with women or teenagers that domestic violence is about power and control over a person. Every violent relationship starts out with verbal and emotional attacks. Learn the signs to recognise abuse and don’t let it change your heart.  Realise that you have worth and that in a healthy relationship you won’t feel worthless.  Don’t let them isolate you away from people who care. Never let another person devalue you.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

I think we have to empower people with tools to recognise a healthy relationship.  Our culture is saturated with bad examples and our homes are creating future victims and abusers because people don’t realise how much children see, and how it helps shape their view of relationships.

We have to take back the power and control that abusers try to maintain in their homes and over their victims. We have to empower women, teenagers and all victims with healthy boundaries and tools to be comfortable and safe within a relationship.

We have to call out abuse when we see it.

We must convince women that love doesn’t hurt – emotionally, physically, or mentally.  We must convince women that that they are powerful people who have value as individuals. No one deserves to be abused, and all women should live with that knowledge and have resources to escape dangerous situations.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

Because I share the same vision that The Pixel Project has in ending domestic violence.  I like that it’s not just about ending violence, but about having the difficult conversations about violence.  Our culture has turned a blind eye to abuse happening, but slowly (with the support of organisations like The Pixel Project) we’re starting to talk about it more.  The more we talk about it and normalise the conversation, the more people will be empowered to make a difference in their own lives or the lives of others.

The Pixel Project is proud to present our second annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2015. The project runs throughout the month of May 2015 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2015 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our twenty-ninth 2015 Survivor Stories interview is with Brianne Coleman from the U.S.A.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Brianne Coleman is first and foremost a mother and a wife.  She is a survivor of child molestation, rape and domestic violence.  When she is not with her loving husband and children, she is either working as a legal assistant in Chicago or acting as an advocate for both victims and survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence.  She will be attending Graduate School at Purdue University in the fall to obtain her MBA and is currently writing her book of survivorship that will hopefully be published by the end of the year.  She has become the face of St. Jude House, a battered women’s shelter in Northwest Indiana and plans to continue the mission of St. Jude House and support others who have been in her shoes. In Brianne’s spare time, when she has some, she enjoys riding her motorcycle with her husband and bowling with her family.

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

My youngest son’s father started his abuse three months into our relationship.  The first time he hit me was on New Year’s Eve 2002.  He beat me with a belt for an hour that time and forced me to sit in a scalding hot bath.

I left the following day, stayed away for a few months and during that time, I found out I was pregnant and went back.  He promised to get help, get on meds and never hit me again.  I believed him but the violence gradually got worse.  He locked me and my oldest son in our apartment for days and days without a phone.  He would come home and beat me, rape me and sexually assault me at gun point during my entire pregnancy.  He constantly threatened to kill our unborn son.  The day I came home from the hospital after having our son, he forced me to walk to the car instead of pushing me in a wheelchair. When I didn’t move fast enough, he kicked me in my private parts.  I was 24 hours post-delivery.  He was crazy and I was scared to leave.

He had severe mental illness and I knew I couldn’t stay much longer or he’d kill me. It was two months later, in November 2003, that he called me home from work and beat me for over three hours. His weapon of choice that day was his fists, plunger sticks, glass candles and whatever else he could find.  My oldest son was 2 ½ and watched the entire episode.  He was crying so hard that he vomited on himself and my son’s father literally threw him in the bathtub.  He had been abusive to him as well.  He hung me over the stair banister and threatened to kill me.  He kidnapped our infant son and took off.

I called my other son’s grandma and she got me out of the house.  We had to wait for the SWAT team before I could get my baby.  About three hours after I left, the police swarmed our apartment and he was arrested and my son was returned to me.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

After he was arrested on November 13, 2003, I went to our apartment and gathered as many of my things as possible and went to St. Jude House, a battered women’s shelter.  The care I received was unbelievable.  They were great.  They were supportive and non-judgmental.

I stayed for a little over 60 days until I was able to get on my feet.  I got an apartment that they helped me furnish and we started our lives over again, fresh and anew.  I took him back one more time after that.  I still loved him.  He got upset with me one night because I didn’t want to have sex and he beat me and raped me again and slept with my phone so I couldn’t call 911.

The next day, I called the police and that was it.  I was done.  I never looked back.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

Healing is a long and difficult process.  Admitting all the things that he did to me was the hardest.  I had a hard time accepting the fact that a man I loved could hurt me, rape me, and violate me in the way he did.  It was difficult.  I started rebuilding my life after the last time by signing up for college and getting my degree.  I wanted to do better for my children.

I managed to get my Associate’s Degree in less than a year and my Bachelor’s Degree in about 15 months.  In 2008, St. Jude House asked me to speak at their Annual Vigil as a survivor.  That was Stage 1 of my healing process.  I sought therapy afterwards and forgave him.  It’s part of the process.  I will never forget what he did to me and a part of me is still scared, but I have to remember that I am a survivor for a reason.

Earlier this year, I was asked to be the Guest of Honour for St. Jude House at the First Look for Charity Event hosted by the Chicago Auto Show.  I was able to tell my story in a docu-drama film that was shared at the event and has been shared at other events.  I plan on spending the remainder of my life being an advocate and telling my story to inspire others.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

It is difficult to tell someone what to do in these situations because until they are ready to walk away, they won’t walk away.  I share this motto, “When the fear of staying is greater than the fear of leaving” is when victims become survivors and get away from their abusers.  At least that was the truth for me.

As an advocate, I encourage and support, offer resources and listen.  I am support.  I share my story as inspiration and hope to continue inspiring others.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

Ending violence against women is a challenge because so many women don’t know the signs.  So many women have low self-esteem and those abusers prey on those women.  We need more support, more resources and more love from women.  So many women are afraid to tell their stories.

I created a support group on Facebook and many of the women, years after their abuse, are still afraid to tell their stories.  We need to find a platform where women of all cultures, all races, all socio-economic backgrounds can come together to uplift and encourage women.  It starts with each individual doing their part.

Also, laws need to be stricter for the abusers.  A slap on the wrist isn’t doing the trick.  Restraining orders mean nothing to abusers.  Stricter laws and more assistance to women who endure violence at the hands of men is a great start.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I support The Pixel Project because it is an international organisation that can and will touch many men and women.  Social media is so large that it will reach wider audiences and that makes me happy. I love that celebrities are involved because, as we know, people follow celebrities.  I would love more than anything to be a part of this movement.  Stop violence against women.  That’s one of my very personal goals.

The Pixel Project is proud to present our second annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2015. The project runs throughout the month of May 2015 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2015 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our twenty-sixth 2015 Survivor Stories interview is with Alice Argosino from the U.S.A.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

I am Alice and I am, by profession, a fitness professional. I am a mother of 4 girls aged 13, 9, 6, and 5.  We are survivors of domestic violence.  We have been DV-free for 14 months and have endured degradation, humiliation and shunning from family and friends.  We are strong, we are bright, and we are beautiful, surrounding ourselves with only those that will treat us with kindness and understanding.  We have had our lives turned upside down by lethal violence and gender-based hatred but have climbed our way out of the dank abyss and stand proud of who we are and where we have come from.  

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

My daughters and I experienced domestic violence in varying forms.  As the female partner, I was strangled, kicked, thrown, held hostage, hit, kept awake, and restrained.  I was verbally and emotionally abused as well as fiscally abused.

My children, all under the age of 12, were called “stupid”, “fat bitches”, “whores”, “idiots”, and “pigs”.  They also experienced physical violence as well as emotional abuse.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

After a particularly challenging day when my abuser beat me with the Christmas tree, kicked me, called me a whore, and continued to demean my person –all in front of my children – I filed for a protection order.  He was served and removed from our home several days later.

Through the grace of God and savvy professionals, after a court-appointed investigation, a full domestic violence protection order was issued.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

I had become involved with our local domestic violence advocacy programme and through the kindness and support of my advocate, I was able to enrol in counselling for myself and my children.

We were put in touch with a pro bono attorneys group to help with any legal issues.  We moved to a new home and were enlisted in our state’s address confidentiality programme.  I utilised the National Domestic Violence Hotline as well as our local hotline for those moments when I felt lost and unsure.  I reached out for help and was fortunate to receive it.

I have shared my story with others and I will be speaking to schools about domestic violence.  I have volunteered for our local police department’s victim advocacy program.  I am healing by helping others.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

I would recommend to anyone in a similar situation to seek help through a hotline or a local advocacy program.  Document the abuse if able and strategise: plan your escape or their removal.  Reach out to family and/or friends.  You are not alone.  There is an immense support system throughout that will stand by your side and help you through domestic violence.  Brace yourself for those that turn their backs.  They never were your friends.

Surround yourself with positivity and love yourself. Be kind to yourself and be forgiving to yourself.  You are valuable, you are beautiful, and you are strong.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

Violence against women may end through education.  Teach the young about respect and love.  Publicise and ostracizse the men that degrade and violate women.  Sharing stories and experiences internationally, developing a wide net of support for victims and survivors.  These are just a few solutions to a complex and under recognised societal issue that deserves to be in the forefront of all rather than casting it aside as a private matter between man and woman.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

As they say, “Knowledge is power.”  The Pixel Project is helping to bring these “behind closed doors”issues to the forefront, raising awareness and developing dialogue.  Conversation is vital for recognition to any cause or issue.  Allowing victims to speak is a unique and special gift you have given not only for those that have suffered violence but for those that are unfamiliar with violence.

Unfortunately, there are a great deal of stereotypes and biases against women who suffer from domestic violence.  Educating society as a whole is an enormous task in its entirety but great strides are being made to whittle the ignorance gap. The Pixel Project’s Survivor Stories platform is giving a voice to those that may not have the strength to do so in person.  The Pixel Project’s mission will help save others and that is invaluable.

The Pixel Project is proud to present our second annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2015. The project runs throughout the month of May 2015 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This project was created to provide:

• VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
• Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

This project is also part of a programme of initiatives held throughout 2015 in support of the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign that is in benefit of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and The Pixel Project. Donate at just US$1 per pixel to reveal the mystery Celebrity Male Role Models and help raise US$1 million for the cause while raising awareness about the important role men and boys play in ending violence against women in their communities worldwide. Donations begin at just US$10 and you can donate via the Pixel Reveal website here or the Pixel Reveal Razoo donation page here.

Our twenty-fifth 2015 Survivor Stories interview is with Amanda Berg from the U.S.A.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Amanda Berg is not only a full-time student working on her Bachelor’s degree in Social Work, she has also gotten her four-year degree in criminal justice/client services. She has been telling her story going on 3 years and is also an on-call women’s advocate at her local women’s shelter. She is a wife, mom, Girl Scout leader, Boy Scout parent and looking forward for camping season to begin.  

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I got into a relationship with someone 6 years older than I was. He was very verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. I have had a hunting rifle pointed at my head and still, to this day, have two scars on my legs due to being cut by knives.

While in that relationship I ended up getting pregnant and having a child. When my child was born he suffered also. When he was a baby, his “dad” stated he locked him in the vehicle ‘properly’ and when I would go to get my child out of the vehicle he would roll out with the car seat and hit his head on the cement. I would get punished for that.

No matter what I did, it was never good enough. I would get “punished” for anything and everything behind closed doors. I remember hiding many bruises and telling myself that if I had done things differently I would have never gotten hurt. I would always try and apologise for everything and tell him that I would make it up to him – just tell me what I can do.

The night I left the relationship was the night he put a knife to my neck while I was nursing my son. I was able to get my son and myself to safety.

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

The night I was able to escape I had two people that intervened: one of them called the police while I ran to hide and the other kept my abuser from running after me.

Once the officers arrived, they let me know that it was fine to come out and that I did not have to worry. My mom was on her way and things would get better. Once I did come out from hiding and my mom showed up and we were able to get things together.

The person that kept my abuser from running after me actually put him under citizen’s arrest. This was after my abuser tried pushing me, my son in my arms, and my mom down the stairs.

The responding officers also told me a day and time to go into the office and file an order for protection.

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

It took some time for me to know that my abuser was no longer around before I finally slowly started to look at things in a positive way. I then moved to a different area because I wanted to start life over for not just myself but also my son. It was a wonderful first step.

While I was in that new area I met a wonderful man who started to support me in my decisions. I went on to college to get my four-year  degree in criminal justice and client services. I currently speak to students in human relation classes and have spoken at a few other places.

I just got accepted for my social work degree and continue to have wonderful support. I found that taking little steps at a time have taken me a long way. It was never easy and I had many breakdowns along the way. My support system has helped me get where I am and I am more willing to share my story more and more.

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

You are a very strong individual who can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Life is not easy at all and don’t be ashamed to speak up. Talk to those you can trust and be open and honest. I understand that it is very scary but resources are available and there are places that can help. Never feel as if it is your fault and if you had done things different things would be better.

There is also always a honeymoon phase. This means that if you leave and promises are made, things will change – if you are lucky – for a few weeks. After that things will go back to the same. It is never easy to just walk away and not turn back. It is even harder when children are involved. It is hard without a support system, and when you think you are going to lose everyone if you leave the relationship, it makes it even harder.

Remember that you don’t deserve to be treated like you are a worthless piece of property. You are a wonderful, beautiful, smart individual who can reach for the stars.

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

I think there will always be problems when it comes to violence against women. People learn what is wrong or right while growing up and if they see that it is something that is generational it will be hard to break.

It is even harder considering some cultures feel that controlling their women is fine, that men need to be in control and the breadwinner. This is not true at all. Men do not need to control those that they love and care about. Women have a mind of their own and can speak up. They do have a voice. I think that as more people realised that abbuse is not right, then more may speak up.

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I find that The Pixel Project is a wonderful organisation with so much to offer. It wants to raise awareness about violence against women and this is important since so many choose not to see it. I really like all the different information on their website and wish I was able to see some of this when I was in the relationship that I was in. I also think it is great that men are included in their work because men should understand what they can do to stop abuse. Also for those men that get into a relationship with a survivor it is nice that they have a place to get information.