Archive for May, 2016

THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Taylor Amell, 38, USA

May 11th

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

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The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our eleventh 2016 Survivor Stories interview is with Taylor Amell from the USA.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Taylor is a survivor of child and adult domestic abuse who currently works in the early childhood and special needs fields. She is currently studying to for her bachelor’s degree in early childhood leadership while working at an early childhood education centre that services the low-income, homeless or domestic shelter population of Green Bay, Wisconsin, USA. Taylor also works as support staff at The Rainbow House Domestic Abuse Shelter in Marinette, Wisconsin and is proud to be employed by the agency that supported her through the years. Taylor is also the single parent to three amazing children and currently enjoys first-time home ownership.

Taylor Amell 21. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I was born expected to be a boy, hence the name Taylor. My mother never forgave me for being a girl. In her eyes, boys were safe from the reaches of domestic violence. My father molested my step-sisters and me, and when our mother wouldn’t kick him out, my sisters turned their hurt and anger on me. I was found by Child Protective Services and after a few weeks in the neonatal intensive-care unit I began my journey through the foster care system.

In my new foster home, love was disguised as sexual abuse from the father figure, followed by physical and mental abuse from the mother who said I was ‘a slut like my mother’. When I was able to work outside of the home, I jumped at the chance. When my manager molested me in the break room, I was blamed for making up the story by my ‘new family’.

After promiscuous and self-injurious behaviour, I found my future husband and thought I had finally escaped but, prompted by my birth and foster families, plus his escalating drug and alcohol abuse, I became his personal punching bag too. Marital rape and physical abuse can’t compare to the mental abuse he inflicted on me over the next decade.

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

I would love to say that I picked up my belongings and left. Wouldn’t that be satisfying and triumphant? The reality is I was kicked out by my husband along with my children as he changed the locks and filed for a divorce for the third time. The only difference was this time I chose not to go back.

My children and I stayed on a friend’s couch and were tormented by my husband’s stalking and violent behaviour to the point this family no longer speaks to us; the trauma was just too much to bear.

It took until I didn’t care if I lived or if I died anymore. Whatever the outcome, I made a small decision to stay away for good.

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

If someone had told me how long it would take to rebuild, the mistakes I would make, the trauma I would endure by his using the courts and the system to torment me, the cost of watching him abuse my children and torture my pets, I don’t think I would have had the strength to bear it.

I survived hour by hour, day by day, month by month with help from my advocate who stayed true to me for more than 14 years.

I started small – got an apartment, got new belongings, found people who would employ me, walked to work until I could afford to drive, volunteered, went to counselling, went back to school, tackled the courts, watched my children fall apart and rebuild themselves, went back to counselling and learned to love and care for myself.

It’s still a work in progress. But now I am working hard to advocate for other families in crisis and to further my education. But most of all I now am thriving and living life to the fullest!

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

Choose to believe you are worth more than you are receiving. Choose to speak up and don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do; own your own victories and mistakes.

Be kind to yourself yet firm. Be alone for a long time and find yourself again, find your spark. Don’t believe in anything less.

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

By bravely telling our stories! By educating ourselves on violence and respect in all relationships. By helping others instead of believing the myths that exist about victim-blaming and abuse. By abstaining from violent and pornographic images and music of women, men, and children. By choosing peace.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

Because when you tell stories like this then all of that abuse that I and others endured, all of the nightmares, all of the lost hope was not in vain. My suffering and the suffering of others can reach into the hearts of others – and this way we help others who are lost in the darkness even as we speak.

Also, I find it so encouraging to see how The Pixel Project truly reaches this generation where they are, with men and women included in the fight to raise awareness. There are so many issues that are all interconnected with each other, and all need us to have the courage to speak up and not be silent.

After all, it is our connectedness and our voices that scare our abusers the most, as any survivor can agree with!

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THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Genna Sapia-Ruffin, 72, USA

May 10th

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

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The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our tenth 2016 Survivor Stories interview is with Genna Sapia-Ruffin from the USA.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

As an older survivor and overcomer of domestic violence, Genna Sapia-Ruffin is an ordinary woman who has lived through extraordinary circumstances. At seventy-two years old, she is now a public speaker and a published author of two books – an autobiography entitled A Memoir: David Ruffin – My Temptation and its revised edition Delivered From Temptation, about her life with her partner David Ruffin. Genna does interviews and speaking appearances with the hope of inspiring and encouraging people who find themselves dealing domestic violence. In her spare time, Genna speaks at shelters for abused women to encourage them.

Genna Sapia-Ruffin

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

My partner would physically abuse me. One incident stands out: my hair was long and he was hitting me and throwing me all over the room to the point where it must’ve been impossible to see where face, neck and hair began or ended. I was pregnant but I don’t think it mattered to him.

He pummelled and punched until he landed a blow on my temple with one of his fast, skinny, long, mean, sharp fists, and it almost killed me. Only my own distant, small voice chanting, “Wait a minute, wait a minute” kept me conscious as my knees buckled and blackness swirled around me. In a flash, I saw how easily he could’ve snuffed out my life.

This was the moment, too, that I had the very sobering realisation – that he could kill, accidentally or otherwise. He was desperately sorry, as always, but I told him that the next time, he could be sorry as he wanted to, but I could be very dead.

Once I had that realisation, it could do nothing but grow. As I told him, accidents do happen. That was also the same staggering moment in which I realised that I couldn’t continue the pregnancy.

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

It took five days to get out of there. First he blocked in my car by parking across the driveway. Then, he took our baby and went to the bank supposedly to get me money but he was gone all day.

Another day, I asked him to help me get the luggage downstairs; he said he wasn’t about to help me leave. I kind of snorted and said that he’d been “helping me leave all along”, as I slid/threw the luggage down.

On day five, I realised that sometimes love is not enough. He was hooked on cocaine. The last thing that happened before I finally swooped my son off the front porch, and slowly backed the car out was the worst. David and I stood in the living room locked in each other’s arms. I was sobbing and pounding his back. I was screaming, “I hate you for making me leave you.” He was hissing into my swollen ear: “You don’t have to go. Just put the bags down. Just come on upstairs.”

He took my hand, but something inside me grabbed my gut and twisted hard. I think if I’d looked in his eyes, I’d have seen Satan. I turned and literally ran outside while I could.

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

Firstly, I went as far from him as possible. I went back to school and focused on a career. I got into therapy for 13 months. I told my friends to “tie me to a chair if necessary” to keep me from calling him because I recognised that I was addicted to him.

I cried a lot, and that’s OK — it helps the healing. The therapy was crucial. It helped me so much that I want to start a foundation to provide help to escapees, particularly regarding counselling.

Then, about 29 years later, I gave my life to Jesus Christ — and that was the most important component for healing. Through God, I learned forgiveness, which set me free. That was 11 years ago. Since then, I’ve just been learning the nature of God and letting Him take all my cares.

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

I would recommend surrounding yourself with a support team — family, old friends you’ve been alienated from by your abuser — and getting back together with your old best friend.

And, very importantly, counselling. I highly recommend it — it was extremely helpful to me. Also, I strongly encourage you to not get into another relationship for at least a year, or more. This is crucial!

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

We need thinking, feeling men on board. And I’m afraid we have to deal first with the abusers.

The men who abuse women do so for many reasons, but they all go back to the same thing: most likely, they have been abused as a child and/or never had a good male role model to show them how to actually be a man.

These men are angry and full of rage and insecurities. A great amount of them (though not all, certainly) are trapped in the prison systems, which only promotes more rage and insecurity. They need counselling most of all! They are the “throw-aways” of our society.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

Because abuse needs to stop! I was abused from 1970-1974. That’s a long time ago. Since then, it feels like nothing has been done and that I’ve been the only one who has been speaking on the subject.

I am so glad that the Pixel Project and all the other domestic violence organisations have now woken up and are acting together to make changes happen.

Violence is a pox and a curse on this society, worldwide. We, as a people, cannot continue like this and must unite both men and women—and that’s what The Pixel Project does!

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THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Elizabeth Switaj, 36, USA and The Marshall Islands

May 9th

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

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The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our ninth 2016 Survivor Stories interview is with Elizabeth Switaj from the USA and The Marshall Islands.

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The Survivor Bio:

Elizabeth K. Switaj is a survivor of intimate relationship violence. She currently teaches literature, creative writing, and composition at the College of the Marshall Islands on Majuro Atoll, Marshall Islands, where she lives with four formerly feral cats, including one with twisted back legs. She is the author of literary guide James Joyce’s Teaching Life and Methods and a collection of poems, Magdalene & the Mermaids. In 2012, she completed her PhD in English at Queen’s University Belfast. In 2015, she ran her first marathon in Honolulu and, this year, she completed the PADI Open Water course (a beginning SCUBA certification).

Elizabeth Switaj1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

When I was 26, I was lured to New York City by a man who I now believe was a sociopath. Of the abuse he enacted on me, the easiest part to talk about was the rape — the one that happened when I was sick and couldn’t physically fight him off after I said no. What was harder to talk about was the gradual wearing me down through emotional abuse, the occasional drugging and the sex when I was in no position to consent.

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

I left the country. I got a job teaching at a college in central China and boarded an Air China flight at JFK. I had only been in NYC for 11 months. I didn’t tell anyone until a few weeks before I left. I was such a wreck I didn’t even learn how to pronounce the name of the city I was headed to (Zhengzhou) or weigh my luggage ahead of time. I ended up being one of those people frantically moving things from suitcase to suitcase at check in. Fortunately, the agent was incredibly helpful; I think she even waived a few fees. I wonder how much she perceived.

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

It took a long time, longer than it needed to. Distance helped me rebuild, but I had some unhelpful ideas about what healing meant. I thought I had to have a lasting, healthy relationship to be whole, so I threw myself into situations that, while not as outright abusive, were certainly toxic, and I clung to people who were not good for me.

A therapist helped me see that what I had achieved in other areas of my life — publishing a book of poetry that used mythological figures to explore what had been done to me, enrolling in a PhD programme (since completed) — signified healing. I’ve written, too, about why forgiveness isn’t a necessary step in healing.

The key, for me, was not to try to ignore or close the wound, but to use it, to claim it, and to transform it into my work. There is, however, no one way to heal. Each of us has to make her own path.

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

Get as much distance as you can between you and your situation, as fast as you can. Leaving the country won’t be an option for everyone, but moving to a different city, or even a different neighborhood can help. It isn’t just about escaping a dangerous person; it is about giving yourself the space to think.

Don’t count on mutual friends or acquaintances to help you, even if they reveal that your abuser has done similar things to them. He wasn’t able to charm and control you because of something wrong with you. Others may be under the same spell.

Finally, find something that gives you hope, no matter how small or unimportant it may seem. For me, it was watching Seahawks games. Super Bowl XL was stolen from them about two months before I moved to NYC, so my connection to the team became intensely personal. That they kept going through the highs and lows meant that I could too.

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

We need better education about what healthy relationships look like. When I say education, I’m not referring only to formal in-school lessons, but also to media narratives. As an academic, my specialisation is pedagogy in literature. If the experimental texts of High Modernism can teach readers how to understand them, then surely texts can show us how to have relationships without violence and how to recognise and escape toxic situations.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I first learned about The Pixel Project when I was a senior editor for a feminist blog, Gender Across Borders. While it has many worthwhile aspects, what I appreciate most is its educational focus using online channels including social media and the emphasis on male role models (because ending violence against women is everyone’s responsibility).

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THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Carrie Blake, 43, USA

May 8th

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

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The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our eighth 2016 Survivor Stories interview is with Carrie Blake from the USA.

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The Survivor Bio:

Carrie Blake is a veteran public school teacher; 18 years of her career have been at a Title 1, ethnically diverse, low-income site. For the last three years she has been a public speaker and advocate for SAVE, the organisation that helped her and her children deal with the ramifications of her ex-husband’s domestic violence. She is also the only survivor/civilian member of the Alameda County Family Violence Council. She currently holds two master’s degrees, and is looking to earn her doctorate in the next five years. Carrie has two teenage children, a dog, and loves to be outdoors whenever possible. When she’s at home, she loves making folk art. She currently resides in the East Bay of the San Francisco Bay Area.

Carrie Blake_Cropped21. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I was married for twelve years to a man who abused me and our children in every way. He was physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, financially, and geographically abusive. He also became a drug addict. Eight years after we had separated, our daughter disclosed that he had molested her as well.

I have had over 400 court filings with him, been in court over 45 times, and have spent the better half of the last twenty years protecting myself and our children from him.

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

My abuser told me that I needed to get counselling because I was the one with the problems.

When I sought the advice of our pastor at the time, having gone to couples counselling before to no avail, she told me to leave immediately before he killed me and/or our kids. So I sought shelter with friends and the organisation SAVE.

SAVE helped me with the legal side of leaving him safely. Eight years after that, SAVE helped me to protect my kids a second time when my daughter disclosed her father’s abuse to her.

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

It took 12 years of family, individual, and crisis counselling, the support of SAVE, as well as a strong family support system and sheltering community to help us heal.

Additionally, I put myself through a second master’s programme in forensic psychology. The programme helped provide the educational research and theory that helped me contextualise and understand what the three of us had gone through. It also helped me figure out the best way to heal us and be able to help those around us.

Telling my story at SAVE’s Annual Fundraiser Breakfast was also a key turning point for me as it helped me feel empowered to own my story and help others.

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

No matter who tells you to leave your abuser, only you can make the final decision.

However, please know that no matter what he or she tells you, you are NOT the reason that they hurt you. THEY are the reason that they hurt you. You will never “save” them, or “train” them, or “love” them enough to reverse their violence.

You need to understand that in most cases, the most important thing you can do is to remove yourself from the situation and separate your life from your abuser’s as much as possible. And don’t try to do any of that alone – surround yourself with knowledgeable and strong people who can truly help you keep every aspect of your life safe.

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

We need to not only teach women about their worth, but we need to educate men to value and respect women as well. It is not enough to empower women, we need to educate men to value the empowerment of women as well.

Sexism and violence against women is deeply ingrained in the blueprint of our culture. It’s not just going to go away on its own. Retraining has to be a paradigm shift from the inside out, and from the top down.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

The Pixel Project seems to take their advocacy seriously and any organisation that brings awareness to and sheds light on the topics of domestic violence and sexual assault is an invaluable organisation to me. This is because domestic violence and sexual assault are the silent hidden crimes that need to be addressed directly and purposefully.

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THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Palesa Mompe, 36, South Africa

May 7th

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

No comments

The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our seventh 2016 Survivor Stories interview, in partnership with CLIMB,  is with Palesa Mompe from South Africa.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Rape and Sexual Assault survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Palesa Mompe retired from the corporate world after 11 years to pursue youth and community development work. She is actively involved in transforming young people to new thinking where they can explore a different view of themselves and their realities. She spends her time working as a facilitator and coach with NGOs that aim to promote health on a social and economic level. To ground herself, she enjoys hiking, outdoor activities and spending time with her daughter and family.

Palesa Mompei1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I was born to a young mother and raised by my grandmother. Like all children in the neighbourhood, I was sent out to play in the streets. A molester lured me to his house: I remember afternoons with 5 or 6 other little girls and sweets to distract us. One by one, we would eventually get called into his bedroom. We were too young to understand what was going on and I thought it was okay.

I was 7 when my father, whom I did not know, passed away and I was taken to live with his parents. There, a family friend molested me until I was 12. I was silenced by my fear, shame and confusion. All this trauma was locked in and I could not recall it for years. I switched off by diving into the fantasies that came with books.

When I was 18, someone very close to me was gang-raped in my presence whilst she was 7 months pregnant. This incident triggered a lot of unhealthy symptoms: I was moody, angry, and anxious. There was no one to talk to, since I was sworn to secrecy. I fought to avoid recalling the images and did what I could to keep moving: disappearing from home for days; getting drunk and making many friends in order to avoid feeling this unexplained and untreated void. Needless to say, my school work suffered greatly.

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

My first abuse stopped because I was sent to live with my paternal grandparents. My second one ended when my abuser moved away. As a child I was glad because I did not have the courage to stand up against my perpetrators. I was humiliated and ashamed and that stayed with me throughout my growing years. I went through life fearful of everything and everyone, suspicious of people and never allowed people to get too close to me.

In my twenties, after much impulsive and destructive behaviour, which included a suicide attempt, I tried reaching out for help and realised that another root of my emotional dysfunctionality was my mother whom I held accountable for my abuse because of her absence in my life. I realised my inability to stay in relationships was linked to the anger I felt towards my mother. Working and learning to forgive her instead of harassing her for answers and explanations as to why she had abandoned me was my first breakthrough. It gave me an opportunity to run back and search for inner love.

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

In my early twenties I was easily overwhelmed emotionally and did not know how to handle relationships. On a drive to Eastern Cape, I had a horrible flashback of myself as a young child on my knees in some man’s room. That was how I remembered that I was a victim of sexual abuse throughout my childhood.

I booked myself into a psychiatric hospital. For the first month I was on heavy medication. I was then introduced to mindfulness, which reconnected me to the world and to myself. I was also introduced to programmes like Dialectic Behavioural Therapy and distress tolerance, which helped me manage my anxiety and my life.

Speaking out was never easy but talking was like giving myself permission to breakdown and mourn the girl who was still left behind and scared. This required me to acknowledge and accept that I was abused in order to rebuild what was broken in me. My breakdown was much needed for me to unlearn a lot that was not working for me. It also gave me courage to share my story. I began working with other causes fighting violence against women such as CLIMB. At 35, there are still flashbacks, but the difference is that I am now empowered.

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

I would like women to remember that no matter the circumstances of the abuse, we never ask nor do we deserve the violation and humiliation that comes with abuse. It is critical to find our voice because silence is a way of allowing the perpetrator to silence us. We give power to them and increase myths such as victim-blaming.

We need to keep talking, to find someone to tell – tell and tell until someone listens. It is important and there are people out there who want to know about what is happening to you and are there to hear you. You do matter, you are important. You have an equal right to be safe and to be treated with respect, and no one has the right to infringe upon that.

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

Violence against women (VAW) is so prevalent in all cultures and societies, the statistics and number of reported cases, should inform us that on issues such as these, we simply can’t wait for national campaigns or outreaches to start sensitising people about VAW.

Basic education around gender-based violence needs to be incorporated at entry level in schools/churches, etc. The topic about sex on its own is still very taboo in a lot of communities, making it difficult to think of reporting an incidence of abuse. I find it vital to create friendly platforms to speak out and talk about it.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

Because The Pixel Project recognises the seriousness of violence against women as a global issue. The platforms they provide are a means of building a culture free of rape, violence and abuse. It also supports victims of gender-based violence who know that the issue is being talked about and that people are being sensitised. It’s also encouraging to see how other people who have been victims are coming forward, creating greater reach and impact.

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THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Candace Martin, 25, USA

May 6th

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

No comments

The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our sixth 2016 Survivor Stories interview is with Candace Martin from the USA.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Candace Martin is a Programme Coordinator in Spokane, Washington. In her spare time, she volunteers with ACTION OHIO Coalition for Battered Women. Previously, she has planned events and taught 4th grade on the Navajo reservation in New Mexico. She has degrees in English, Psychology, and Women and Gender Studies. She twice served as president of Alpha Chi Omega, whose philanthropy is Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention, during her undergraduate career. She also worked with a Women’s Centre and interned at a Rape Crisis Center. She is a survivor of domestic violence. 

Candace Martin1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

As a child, my home life was very unstable. My father was emotionally and physically abusive toward my mother, brothers, and myself.

As the eldest child and the only female, I got the brunt of the abuse. He would physically abuse me by hitting me, kicking me, choking me, and whipping me with a belt. He would emotionally abuse me by telling me that I was worthless, ugly, and unlikable. Messages that I heard growing up included, “men will only ever want you for one thing,” “you will never have any real friends,” and “anything that happens in this house stays in this house.”

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

My father had been reported to Children’s Services 3 separate times during my childhood. Each time, my father would coach my family to lie about what was happening. Once, I told the truth. As I was the only one who said what was happening, nothing changed.

When I was 17, after a particularly terrible beating, my boyfriend at the time reported the abuse to his school counsellor who contacted mine. Visibly, I had a black eye and bruises up and down my arms. Once again, I told the truth about what was happening. My mother and younger brothers were called in, and eventually my mother, who had been abused for nearly 20 years, admitted to what had been happening. We both got restraining orders against my father. I haven’t spoken to him since.

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

There was some court mandated family counselling which helped me work through my feelings. It also helped us to heal and become closer as a family.

On my own, I went for counselling at my college and at a local domestic violence centre. I also learned as much as I could about domestic violence to understand what had happened. I immersed myself in my sorority, whose philanthropy is domestic violence awareness and prevention; I read brochures and pamphlets on these issues; I also took classes on the subject.

Eventually, I felt as though I was at a place where I could understand what had happened to me and was at peace with it. I translated my feelings into passion to help others who are in situations similar to my own.

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

You are not alone. There is help out there. I know you’re likely very scared, but there is a way out of this situation. Until it’s safe to get out of your situation, know that you are worthy and loved. You are enough. You deserve love and happiness.

Maya Angelou said, “Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.” You will survive and thrive. When you feel ready, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Counselling was something that changed my life and perspective in a very major way. I would recommend reaching out to your local domestic violence centre who will likely be able to help you at little or no cost to you.

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

I think we need to talk about the issue. domestic violence is something that people are largely uncomfortable discussing. They’d like to pretend it isn’t happening or that they don’t know anyone affected by it. In reality, we all know someone who has been impacted by violence against women.

We need to raise awareness of how prevalent it is and make sure that our society as a whole works toward stopping it. Bystander intervention training is vital. Many people think it’s “not their business” but oftentimes the violence only stops if someone steps in.

Finally, we need to teach everyone about what healthy relationships look like. Many don’t realise that their relationship is problematic until it’s quite progressed.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

We live in a very internet-driven world, and The Pixel Project works across many different areas to raise awareness, funds, and volunteer power to end domestic violence and other forms of violence against women.

More people than ever have access to social media, and raising awareness of violence against women on platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram can mean the difference between life and death for a woman experiencing violence. I firmly believe that raising awareness is one of the main ways to end violence against women, and The Pixel Project works to do that and much more every day.

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THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Panayiota Bertzikis, 34, USA

May 5th

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

No comments

The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our fifth 2016 Survivor Stories interview is with Panayiota Bertzikis from the USA.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Rape and Sexual Assault survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Panayiota Bertzikis is a survivor of a brutal rape while serving on active duty in the United States Coast Guard. She founded the Military Rape Crisis Centre in August 2006 while still on Active Duty as a direct response for the lack of support after her rape. It has since grown to be the largest organisation offering direct services to survivors of military sexual trauma.  Military Rape Crisis Centre has representatives in almost every state and at U.S military bases overseas and it serves survivors, their family and friends, and professionals. The free and confidential services provided include: medical advocacy, support groups, legal services, case management, community education and professional training. When she is not working to help survivors, Panayiota’s hobbies include yoga, travelling, reading, and spending time with her newborn son and her husband.

Panayiota Bertzikis1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I was brutally raped by a shipmate while serving in the United States Coast Guard in Burlington, Vermont. I reported the rape to my command and instead of getting me the much needed medical treatment they chose to lock me up in a closet while they “investigated” my allegations.

Immediately after the “investigation” I was forced to clean out an attic on base as a “team building exercise” with my rapist. I suffered through 11 months of very severe retaliations, including an attempted sexual assault by friends of my rapists.

I eventually lost my career in the Coast Guard due to being “unable to adjust to being raped”. Despite physical injuries and a confession, my rapist left the service with an Honourable Discharge.

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

Being in the military, my options were limited; leaving my job would have resulted in my having gone AWOL and risking being sent to prison. Suicide was another option. Instead, I got up each day and reported for duty, knowing full well that I would experience acts of retaliation, victim-blaming, and slut-shaming.

During sexual assault prevention training the Coast Guard boasted about having a ‘zero-tolerance’ policy. At the time I was unaware of the extent of the rape epidemic in the military and held on to (what I now know to be) the false belief that someone within my chain would see what was going on and put an end to the retaliations; that they would live up to their promise that the Coast Guard has zero-tolerance.

Instead, things got considerably worse each and every day. Almost a year after my rape I lost my career because I was told that I “had problems adjusting to being raped”.

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

While on Active Duty I formed the Military Rape Crisis Centre. After hearing stories from other survivors, I realised that what happened to me was not an isolated incident and that the military has a systematic problem with sexual abuse and how they respond to it. I have since worked with members of the U.S Congress to implement new policies to help other survivors.

Working as an advocate and an activist has helped me so much. Seeing the changes that I was a part of in helping create allowed me to regain my strength and power that my rapist has tried to take away from me. Hearing survivors tell me that I inspired them to find their voice to share their story humbles me.

The military, especially the Coast Guard, still has a long way to go before their response to rape is even acceptable. However, it is no longer a dark secret, in part because of my advocacy work. I hope that no survivor would ever think that how their command responds to their rape is their fault.

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

Take time to heal. Practice self-care each and every day. For me it is yoga and spending time with my family. No matter how busy my schedule is I always find time to do my yoga practice.

And don’t listen to the negative comments! People are going to blame you, not believe you, or tell you that you deserve it or you were somehow ‘asking for it’. They are wrong! Surround yourself with folks who believe you and validate you.

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

Educating our youth, especially our boys, is vital in eliminating violence against women. By the time one is of age to enlist in the military or attend college it is too late. Teaching age-appropriate consent and respect starts from an early age—even before a child is old enough to go to school.

As a mother of a son, I would do everything in my power to teach him to respect others and to teach him about consent. I do not want my son to be the reason why a rape was swept under the rug, a survivor was retaliated against, or why a rape occurred. If we as parents all educate our kids, I truly believe we can dramatically reduce the rates of violence against women within one generation.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

Violence against women affects everyone. We all know someone that been affected by rape, sexual abuse, sex trafficking, domestic violence, and other forms of gender-based violence. The Pixel Project is doing wonderful work to bring awareness on this issue with hopes that one day women around the world can live a life free of violence.

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THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Lindsay Lucas-Bartlett, 32, UK and USA

May 4th

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

No comments

The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our fourth 2016 Survivor Stories interview, in partnership with When You Are Ready, is with Lindsay Lucas-Bartlett from the UK and USA.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Rape and Sexual Assault survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Lindsay is a British actress currently living in Los Angeles. It was during her time at drama school in London back in 2007 when Lindsay was date raped. After six years of therapy, and travelling the globe to get away from London, Lindsay settled in LA where she has been for the past six years. Now happily married with a furry baby of a dog, Lindsay has started her next journey into helping others. Lindsay joined forces this year with VDAY to help bring awareness of sexual and physical violence across the globe that is inflicted on women everyday. 

 

Lindsay Lucas Bartlett_cropped1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

I was date raped when I was twenty-three whilst I was halfway through my Masters’ Degree at drama school in London, my dream school. I was with a so-called friend and she just left me there after the incident. There were two guys and this girl I looked up to. I have no memory of the attack, all I know is that I couldn’t pee properly for over a week and a half or sit down without having shooting pains for over two months after the attack, and that I had deep scratches that took over a month to heal. I had two deep scratches on either side of my hip area and one long scratch on the back of my neck.

I tried denying anything had happened, until I went to the hospital a day later and the staff confirmed that whatever had happened to me was not consensual and the women at The Haven told me I should report it to the police, which I did the following morning.

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

It was a very bizarre time for me. I had my “friend” tell me nothing had happened, yet my body and my inner intuition were screaming otherwise. The hospital was telling me otherwise also. The police investigated the assault and dropped the case after a month. They had arrested the guy  – which my friend was beside herself about (what a huge embarrassment for her!) but they did not have enough evidence, only my statement, to continue the case.

I made it my goal to finish my Masters’ Degree as I could not just quit after all the hard work I had already put into it. A friend of mine from class suggested we move to Los Angeles after we completed the course to get out of London and so I made that my next goal. I kept making goals for myself and I made sure that I completed as many as I set (some I am even still trying to achieve).

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

I talked a lot about it, and I mean a lot. It took me a few weeks to tell some of my closet friends as I felt all this shame and guilt, but when I knew that I had all of my friends support, I knew I was safe to talk it out as much as I could. That has actually been a tremendous part of my healing.

After my student visa expired in the States I started my work visa process (a new goal I worked towards). I also moved to Australia for about four months as I did not feel ready to head back to London. This helped my healing process as I realised how big this world is and how I had the strength to do everything I was doing and had previously done with my U.S travels. That’s when I decided to head back home to London to be with my friends whilst I was waiting for my U.S visa to be approved. It turned out that I had the most wonderful time back in London being with my friends and family. I actually met another survivor and we became instant friends and are still to this day.

I also put a lot into my craft as well – acting, performing and painting were very strong outlets for me and they have truly helped me thrive.

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

Just know you are not alone and you never will be. Talk about it. Talk about it as much as you can and get it out of your system. When you feel you have spoken about it as much as you can, talk about it more. I saw different therapists (due to my travelling) for over six years. Until one day I started talking about something that was not my rape and I realised that what I was talking about was so silly (I think it was about how I chipped a nail on my way to the appointment or something stupid along those lines). Then something happened inside of me, I realised I was thinking about other things other than my assault. It had taken me that long.

The more you talk about it with others though, the more you connect, the more you’ll find that it has happened to more people than you think. Not only can you help yourself but you can also help others.  You can connect with others and know that you are not alone, even when you feel it. Trust me, I felt so isolated and alone. Especially after the police at Notting Hill Station had told me it was consensual and I was at fault, when I was walking through Hyde Park feeling so disgusted with myself, and I felt so alone, but I truly was not. It is happening all the time to women and it needs to stop.

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

We need to create an environment where women are not blamed and shamed for reporting their assaults, whether it is physical or sexual. I feel that women have a heavy weight to carry, as there is this sense of shame and guilt that we carry around with us as if “we asked for it”. That has to stop. Women and men have to stop “slut shaming” women and instead stand together and support each other.

A friend recently told me that she had been sexually assaulted and when she spoke to one of her relatives, they denied her a voice and said that she must be lying. As this story unfolded it turned out that this relative had been assaulted by the same man in question. Instead of supporting her young relative she denied her as she had possibly had felt denied in the past.  People are so quick to judge and slap labels on each other. The victim blaming and shaming needs to stop. The victim is never at fault, no one asks for that to happen to them, it is a truly disgusting, violent act and people need to know that it is on the rise, especially in this egotistical, social-media fuelled world that is unfolding in front of us, and it needs to stop.

Bring awareness to the masses. People need to be educated on these events as they are real and they are happening and when you think it is never going to happen to you or anyone you know, sure enough it happens.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I support The Pixel Project because their Survivor Stories campaign provides a platform for women to tell their survivor stories and get heard. It is one of the most valuable things people need, to be heard and be validated. Each story is different but they all have the same pattern, and we all go through very similar cycles of guilt, shame, depression, suicidal thoughts, being scared and feeling alone. I stand with The Pixel Project as I want to put an end to violence against women, we need to empower each other and not bring each other down. Empower, empower, empower!

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THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Amy Roberts, 43, USA

May 3rd

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

No comments

The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our third 2016 Survivor Stories interview is with Amy Roberts from the USA.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first Q&A in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Amy Roberts is a Biotech Representative specialising in AS and PSA in Northern Ohio.  She enjoys coaching her children in sports, dancing with her boyfriend, reading, and is writing a book for women called “Chaos” in her spare time.  She is still in therapy “to take custody of herself” and with each day, is getting stronger and living a peaceful life with her three children in Northern Ohio.

Amy Roberts

1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

My experience of abuse began when I was seven years old with a female babysitter. This lasted for a few years.  Years later, I was in my freshmen year in college when I was drugged and woke up to a man raping me.

The domestic violence in my marriage started one day after my honeymoon and did not end until I got a Civil Protection Order (CVO) on May 27, 2014. I was strangled and beaten to the point of unconsciousness on 31 December 2012. Prior to that, he had mentally and verbally abused me throughout the entire marriage.  He also beat me and head-butted me when I was pregnant with my second son.

I filed for divorce in 2013. He had me stalked and drugged me by switching my medication out. I ended up in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) and, later, the Psychiatric ward, as it was classified as a suicide attempt.  He also hacked into my work computer pretending to me and anonymously called the head of compliance at my company.  I resigned shortly after because my company was concerned about what was going on, and I decided to leave quietly.  I was making close to $200k when I quit, and it was the end of my career.

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

I met a very hard-core counsellor that specialised in Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from Domestic Violence (DV). She made me get real about the façade of a life I was living.  We talk often about how all survivors at one time are liars, and I, like many, went to great lengths to hide what I was living with every day.

I was a very good mother, very successful Biotech Representative, and friendly in the community. When I told the truth about who I was, people were in shock.

I spent two to three sessions a week in therapy for a year, and then filed again for divorce on 17 April 2014 (my birthday). I received the CPO on 27 May 2014 for a period of one year, and began to rebuild my life. I got a job, moved houses, and rebuilt my sanity.

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

A friend who was helping me handed me a prayer book and I began to pray, even though at the time I was not a spiritual person.

I started therapy, did yoga, self-reading to understand PTSD and triggers, started journaling, and walked away from people who didn’t support me in my quest to be healthy for myself and for my children. This included my entire immediate family and some “close” friends.

Today, I surround myself with people I trust and focus on what I can control, and my kids.  I no longer have to be everything to every person I meet.  I also am very honest about the person I was and the person I am today.

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

  • Take custody of yourself first and the rest will correct itself.
  • Listen to people who are helping you in the chaos – they will guide you out of the storm.
  • Do one small thing a day to tackle getting out and getting healthy.  Small steps often turn into big movements toward freedom if you start to focus on the things you can control.

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

I think we need to start making people feel uncomfortable in big waves about the true impact of domestic violence and violence against women in general.  Nothing ever changes in life until the status quo is no longer accepted and challenged.

After a woman makes the decision to really leave her abuser, she is faced with the anxiety and fear of a long custody battle and the possibility of losing her children, or not being able to protect her children during visitation.

In the U.S., the Safe Child Act would stop abusers from going after our precious children.  Imagine a federal law in all 50 states that would protect the children, making it easier for more women to leave and for more children to get treatment in order to break the generational cycle of domestic violence. Many court systems today are holding on to “shared parenting”, the Safe Child Act would change the status quo allowing mothers and children to get healthy.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

I support the Pixel Project because it is a supportive action-oriented grassroots organisation full of people who help survivors tell their stories, provide starting-point resources for victims and survivors, and educate the public about violence against women.

The hope is that people will pass these stories and resources along to create hope and awareness that you can change your life and you can get better.  Only through educating ourselves, our children, our families, our friends and our communities, can we start to make people feel uncomfortable about the status quo people associate with abuse, and the stigma by admitting you are a “Survivor”.

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THE SURVIVOR STORIES PROJECT 2016: Becky Paroz, 42, Australia

May 2nd

Posted by Regina in Survivor Stories

No comments

The Pixel Project is proud to present our third annual Survivor Stories Blog Interview Project in honour of Mother’s Day 2016. The annual campaign runs throughout the month of May 2016 and features an interview per day with a survivor of any form of violence against women (VAW) including domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, female genital mutilation, forced/child marriage, sex trafficking, breast ironing etc. A total of 31 VAW survivor stories will be featured. This campaign was created to provide:

  • VAW survivors a platform to share their stories and solutions/ideas on how they rebuilt their lives and healed/are healing.
  • Girls and women currently experiencing or who have survived VAW ideas, hope, and inspiration to escape the violence and know that there is light at the tunnel and there is help out there.

Our second 2016 Survivor Stories interview is with Becky Paroz from Australia.

TRIGGER WARNING: The first two Q&As in this interview may be distressing for some Domestic Violence survivors.

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The Survivor Bio:

Author Becky Paroz’s alter ego is Bekstar. While Becky had an award-winning career as a Project Manager in the construction industry, Bekstar was the personality that learned to manage the outcomes of growing up in a domestic violence situation and being diagnosed with a crippling disease while still a teenager. Her published writings capture her insights, journey, horror and humour that encapsulates her life, including the solutions she found to live her life to the fullest. Her style is conversational, practical, easy to read and designed to offer the lessons learnt throughout her tumultuous life for others to benefit from.  

Becky Paroz1. What is your personal experience with gender-based violence?

My first memories are of violence from my father.  He was an alcoholic and I grew up with domestic violence as the norm.

My mother was frequently subject to this violence until I was old enough and then also subjected to his physical violence. It was so much a part of my life, I do not remember a time that it was not happening. I have memories, at about age 10, of his dragging my mother around by the hair and raping her at knife point. She does not have these memories, but rather large blanks spots throughout this time of her life.

At age 13, he also started to sexually assault me. This continued until I was able to leave home. My mother was “committed” after I had left home, which led him to ask me to “take on the wife duties” for him while she was incarcerated in the mental institute.  There are too many incidents to simply pick one to discuss. I am very pleased that he is dead now.

 

2. How did you escape the violent situation/relationship/ritual?

I left home, but it was not an escape. After a while, when it became clear I could not remove my mother from the situation, I simply removed myself. I refused contact with both my parents and their situation for many years. My mother had no contact with her family at his behest, and when I realised I doing the same thing, I re-entered their lives.

I set very strict ground rules, making it clear that I would have no hesitation in contacting the police and airing all the dirty laundry  if the behaviour was not to an acceptable standard in our interactions. I also made it clear that I was not to be touched or in any way inviting touch for any reason as another rule of our interactions. It was an act of power over him and as such, as most bullies do, he submitted.

I never felt free until he passed away. At that point my mother came to live with me and 4.5 years later is slowly healing her life and coming to terms with what she experienced.

 

3. How did you heal and rebuild your life after the violent situation/relationship/ritual? What actions did you take?

I took every action I could think of (and plenty I do not recommend).

I was faced with a chronic illness, diagnosed at 18 (shortly after I left home), which was another kind of debilitating incident to impact me. However, I do believe this decision point around the disease – to continue and make the best of my life, or give up and quit for keeps – was instrumental in moving me forward in controlling my life, obtaining the outcomes I wanted, and getting the education I have sought to deal with my experience.

I have read every kind of self-help books I could find, undertaking coaching and learnt how to be a coach, and various other activities to move towards the desire for myself to be in control of my life.

My main thought for the aftermath is that while I could not choose what happened to me during his controlling years, I could certainly choose my actions beyond that point. Making conscious choices about what I want as a person, instead of what I don’t want as a result of those experiences, is the most clear way I can phrase how I have become the successful person I am today.

 

4. What would you suggest to or share with another woman or girl facing the same situation as you did?

Get out.  Cut ties.  Once clear of the situation, seek advice, support and knowledge, and read everything you can on the subject of what happened to you and also who you wish to be.

Spend time with healthy families and learn that not every fight leads to violence. Spend time with people who drink and realise that not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic one step away from violence outbursts.

Read others’ stories. Talk to qualified and trusted advisors. Listen to everything, but in the end, own what you choose to think and be clear why you choose it. That is the only power you will ever need to be a whole person again.

Also, understand and accept that the rage never leaves you, and that it is okay to mourn what happened, as long as it does not dictate the rest of your life, your choices and who you are being in every moment.

Make the most of your freedom once you have it as you know what it is like to not have that freedom. Demonstrate empathy for others, but do not try and save others in that circumstance. Show them how you did it and let them make their choices.

 

5. How do you think we can end violence against women?

Teach children about empathy, about differences, and allow them to express themselves in a safe environment if it is happening to them. Believe them when they talk about what might be happening at home.

Educate young adults about consent, about violence, and how it is not always from an alcoholic, or from a fist. Words wound more than bruises. Bruises fade, bones heal. The words you hear as a child stay with you forever.

Speak out and stand strong as a collective against the bullying that is so casual in our world. Publish books and make sure young people, even children, can access this information so they can learn early about what might be happening to them.

Encourage women to stand together and not to tear one another down is also a good start; if we can stand together and stop pulling each other’s hair (metaphorically speaking) then we would be a force to be reckoned with.

 

6. Why do you support The Pixel Project?

Because I believe in what The Pixel Project does. Because I have been there and experienced first hand the damage a broken childhood causes. Because I believe that I need to be a part of the solution, not merely an observer with experience. Because I made it out of that cycle and I want to be a part of assisting other women to break the chains that violence creates inside your own head.

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